Yep! We have all been there with an Asperger’s child!
Know you are not alone! I just cannot tell my Asperger’s child anything. He always knows best and he is never wrong. The question is do you argue with your child or let them get on with it? Well, up to a point I let him get on with it. When it’s something important, I tell him like it is but I know when to stop to avoid meltdown.
This is usually enough to stop him going on about whatever he thinks is right. However, he still has to have the last word. Having the last word is something that drives me crazy. No matter what I say to try to end the conversation he has to have the last word. Usually it is to blame me for something. Its your fault. You never told me to. You should have reminded me. Sound familiar? Even when I say to my Asperger’s child ‘You always have to have the last say. Stop now!’ He will come back with ‘Yes I do!’ Grrrr! Sometimes you have to accept it when you have an Asperger’s child. Being wrong is not an option for them…….unfortunately.
I will use having a shower as an example. I like my Asperger’s child to have a shower every night at the moment because he is going through puberty. Spots, body odour etc You know the stuff, right?
He will often forget his night time shower and if im busy sometimes I will forget to remind him. Because of this sometimes he goes without. The next day I will say to him you never had a shower last night did you? He will say ‘No’. I will say ‘Why not?’ The reply is always the same ‘because you never reminded me!’ The real reason he never had a shower is because he get so wrapped up in his special interest i.e Queen. Having a shower is not part of the routine he likes and so although he likes to have a routine this is one part he would rather forget.
After all washing drags him away from his music and he would rather sit there watching and studying Freddie Mercury. Showering wastes precious minutes when he could be sat listening to interviews and songs with Freddie.
So how do I handle my Asperger’s Child who thinks he always knows best?
Well, let me tell you Alfie knows just how far he can push me. He wants to avoid going into meltdown as much as I want him to. He is getting much better at controlling it. However you cant go through life with an Asperger’s child letting them think they know it all. Life just isn’t like that! At the end of the day they need to know right from wrong.
He can tell when I am about to explode by the tone of my voice. Alfie knows that when I lose it, I lose it big time, having my own kind of ‘meltdown’. He doesn’t like seeing me upset because doesnt know how to respond when it happens. We obviously have a very close bond and so he knows he should be doing something to console me especially when deep down he knows he caused me to feel this way. This makes him uncomfortable.
I start off with a stern voice. If this does not work (it usually does) I then get louder and louder. He hates it when I shout and lose my temper because it brings up feelings of empathy for him and he struggles with empathy. I guess that’s because people with Asperger’s dont show empathy very often, if at all. I am probably the only person he shows any kind of empathy towards. Although he will still say I am wrong, when I change my tone he knows I mean business. He also knows I am ready and willing to do battle with him and that I am willing to risk meltdown to get my point across.
My advice to you in this type of situation is to let what you can, go over your head. However, when it is something important, you must be prepared to do battle otherwise you will lose control and this is not good. Long gone are the days I walk on egg shells around him. Brandish your sword when you need to, otherwise you will have bigger problems later on.