Remain positive? It’so hard sometimes!

I dont mind telling you it’s been a really shit few weeks but I am trying so hard to remain positive.  I really never wanted to have to write a post like this but I’m doing it to let you know that it isnt always sunshine and roses.  It’s really hard trying to pick Alfie up off the floor. As he gets older it seems to be getting more and more difficult.

I thought that once we got through the younger years things would start to improve but over the last few months we seem to be taking two steps forward and three steps back.  

I have been called up to school a few times in the last couple of weeks because of concerns about his behaviour, mainly on social media.  Right now i’m feeling pretty useless.  I feel like i’m failing and this was never the plan.

Seeing the GP so remain positive!

Lsst Thursday I picked Alfie up from school at the usual time and told him we had a doctors appointment.  This didnt go down well because I hadn’t prepared him for it.  I did this deliberately by the way, because I wanted the doctor to see him at his worst.  I knew getting him to the surgery would be a battle but I was determined to remain positive and get him there.

If you read my previous post about a possible eating disorder you would know we were going to pay the GP a visit to discuss it.  Since then a lot of other things have happened but I wont go into them now.

Alfie gave me all kinds of excuses on why we shouldn’t be going to the doctors.  I remember him saying things like I’m perfectly fine and I’ve had a good day.  I asked him if all the things happening in school and at home over the last few weeks were because he was fine?  He went quiet.

The whole time we were with the doctor Alfie was agitated and anxious.  I took a back seat at the appointment and let him speak for himself.  I felt taking a back seat was important. The doctor needed to hear it from him. I kept telling myself to remain positive because I didn’t want to be fobbed off again.  At this point i wasn’t sure what i wanted to happen at the appointment.  Alfie sat there lookeing at the floor most of the time.  He avoided any eye contact and spoke very quietly.

Alfie’s stimming was really obvious, perhaps more obvious than I had ever seen it before.  For any of you who dont know what stimming is, it is repetitive movement and can range from jumping up and down, pacing backwards and forwards, shaking the head, clicking fingers etc.  Lately Alfie’s stimming has been clicking the fingers which he seems to do continually.  Today his stimming was slightly different in that he was tapping continuously on the arm of the chair.

CAMHS and School Referral

The doctor questioned him on the events of the last few weeks.  He could see Alfie was not himself and he also noticed the stimming.  He turned to me and said I am going to make an urgent CAMHS referral.  He says medication may be an option but it would have to be monitored very carefully because of his age.  He said only CAMHS could prescribe.

I told him that school had already been in touch with CAMHS and that I did not hold out much hope where they are concerned.  He said that if he made the referral CAMHS would have no choice but to see him.  He said he really needed to be reviewed.

I came away feeling much better that day even though I knew CAMHS probably couldn’t offer any help. Even though the past few weeks had been difficult, I now had a glimmer of hope.

A couple of days later the phone rang.  It was CAMHS offering us an urgent appointment with a psychologist and the neurodevelopmental team.

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